SHANA TOVA

I would like to wish all my avid readers and all of klal yisroel a Kesiva vachasima tova - A gut gebencheda yur - & a sweet and happy new year . May this year bring peace and prosperity to all - & may we all grow in our "bein adam lachavero" to truly worry and feel for all - and may we be zocheh to the coming of Masheach BB"A......

P'shutim - Shadchanim

This is something that has been bothering me for a while and finally I have forced myself to write about it. SHADCHANIM!!. Now I am going to preface my 'rant' with - There are many well meaning individuals out there who sincerely feel for those they set up and truly have the best interest of both parties involved. To these people I say you are doing a great service for the general Khal and Hkb"h should give you the strength to continue and reward you for your efforts. Like we say every week "kol me shaoisek b'tzarchei tzibur be'munah' etc.
THEN we have the others the ones that are to busy thinking about how much money they can get if the shidduch goes through and leave out or misconstrue pertinent information. OR even if they aren't thinking about the money, they feel they just 'have' to make shiduchim because hey that the 'in thing' to do today. Everyone is doing it - what will I say when the Yenta's ask me sooooo how many shiduchim have you made?? in reality they are both wasting the guys and the girls money and many times causing serious emotional stress. Now you tell me what am i talking about how much money can they spend on one date ? let them go out once we'll see what happens .... well some examples.............................................. I have a friend who comes from 'out of town' when ever he dates he must rent a car so before the date starts he's down at least $50 - now he's in school (paying for it by himself I believe) and $50 isn't pocket change. Well one well meaning shadchan set him up with a girl and told him the girl was a number of years younger then she really was - she was really many years older then him ! (I don't want to go into if this alone is a reason to break up or not but it would have been nice to know the truth !!! )..............
Next ..... I know a girl who we will say is what people would call very "beis yaakov'ey " . Meaning she's very frum very into spirituality always running to shiurim, (not that you must be in beis yaakov to be frum I'm just using terms that I believe are used in the 'shidduch world'). Well comes along another 'well meaning' individual and sets her up with a guy - sounds good the "shadchan" is a well respected 'rebetzen' so they trust her judgement, anyway as the date progresses she begins to realize he might not be exactly on the level of frumkeit she expected - the clincher was when he commented (very seriously I might add) that he puts teffilin on EVERY day ! She looked at him dumbfounded, I should be impressed you put on tefillin ? anyway they obviously didn't go out again - but when the shadchan was approached as to what she was thinking she said "well I thought you would make him your project and make him more frum"!!! DON'T YOU JUST WANT TO PUKE !!!!! (Sorry getting a little upset) , are people really brain dead - these are just 2 examples there are countless more {I like the one (that I can now verify actually happened) that a women hung up on a prospective shadchan after being asked the girls bra size!! ... really happened}. Recently someone came up with the idea they should offer more money for shadchanim I think this is ludicrous ! If you want to cut the costs at a wedding one of the first things to go should be the exorbitant fees some of these shadchanim charge. I believe Rabbanim should stress the great zchus to bring two people together (that is what Hkb"h does acc. to the midrash 'yoshev u'mezaveag zivugim') and at the same time stress the importance that the shiduch should make sense that people should seem compatible , why waste peoples time and money? ? ? Why? why? why?...........

D'varim - Tissues

One thing that has always bothered me came up this past shabbos. A young fellow sat down next to me in shul and started to daven. {NO davening does not bother me}. After a couple of minutes I noticed that he had put a used tissue down on the table next to his siddur. Isn't that disgusting !! besides being rather unsanitary. If you use a tissue either put it straight in the garbage or in your pocket. No one else cares to see your used tissues . Then of course he got an aliyah and davened Musaf totally forgetting about his tissue. I didn't wait to see but I don't think he came back to get it. This is just a total lack of sensitivity to your fellow 'daveners' and is probably also a Bezayon to the Beis hakeneses . How would he like it if I came to his house and left dirty tissues on his dinning room table !!! This actually comes up in some yeshiva's I've been in . I have had the zchus to some times set up the tables for shabbos (putting on table clothes etc.) and you would be surprised about the number of dirty tissues people leave on the tables. It's a total disgrace to such a Makom Kadosh... We must have more sensitivity to our Mikdashei M'eat and to our fellow Jews!!!!!!!...........

P'shuitm - Other People's Property

Hey - To all you avid readers I'm sure you missed me ! who am I kidding. anyway - wanted to say hi it's been a while , maybe I'll start up again maybe not. I've been reading lots and lots of other blogs - I find one can 'waste' a lot of time reading blogs. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Why is it that people when it comes to their own property are very very careful - but in regards to others they don't care ? a friend of mine lives in an apartment complex - each apt. has an assigned parking spot that no one else is supposed to park in . He told me that one night around 12:30 a neighbor of his rings his bell trying to find who parked in his spot. This guy was really 'pissed' and was threatening to damage the car that was in his spot. anyway a couple of weeks later someone parks in my friends spot, so he parks in a lot down the block and leaves a note on the car informing them they are in a private spot. around 2 in the morning (my friend doesn't sleep much he's too busy reading blogs) he hears people getting into the car parked in his spot- he was able to tell that these were guests of that neighbor that was so 'pissed' when someone parked in his spot! why is it when it comes to his own spot he was all annoyed and yet didn't have the common courtesy to ask his guests not to park in someone else's spot?!!! it boggles the mind ! does he really not get it ?? I really don't understand - anyway it's good to be back . Of course all are welcome to comment and add their own stories if they like.........................................

D'varim....Status Symbols

Well changed to the "NEW BLOGGER" - we'll see how it goes.
Many things have struck me this past month that I thought wow this is a great blog topic. Of course due to lack of time (or will or both) I did not get around to "blogging" about them. Well I still remember one - -
We all know that "keeping up with the Joneses" is a fact of life. Meaning, not that I condone such behavior, I personally believe it is a terrible thing which is the root of many problems in today's society, But we must realize that many many people are in this 'rut'. Many people 'truly' feel that they must, just must have a new car or outfit etc. this usually happens after returning from a simcha or shul function. It is a terrible thing but lets take off the 'blinders' for a moment, it is rampant. What recently disturbed me was an ad in a local periodical. The ad was for ' so and so's ' cuff links it described the cuff links as .... "The Ultimate Status symbol" !!!!.................. Until now i believe in 'those' circles that certain hats, outfits, & suits where 'status symbols' they where sort of unsaid, more understood. For example I never saw advertised that 'Joe's' hats where the best, just everyone wanted a "Joe's' hat. Now they aren't even embarrassed to advertise we are the best and better then the rest. IF you want to be cool and 'with it' - buy us you will be better then your friends!!!! what is the world coming to. Don't we have any feel at all for "mistapek b'muat" even if you are only making believe that you aren't interested in the latest fashion, At least you understand the Ideal way of life. It seems people are missing the underlining themes in "yideshkeit" and don't even realize anymore!!!! This I believe to truly be frightening, when the 'ideals' seem to be lost to the public. what will happen then ? ....... What do you think?...........

P'shutim.....Missing The Boat

I find it very hard to digest today's Jewish world. Yes we have more 'learning' now and more chesed organizations but I firmly believe many people are missing the boat. There was a tragic story recently in the news about a young Jewish boy who was killed by a LIRR train. I read this story on a popular Jewish news blog and was appalled by the comments left by seemingly 'frum' Jews. All they could say was , 'he wasn't frum' ,why did he frequent a non kosher pizza place', 'He should not have been spray painting' etc... Now all these statements might be 'true' but HELLO !!!!!!! A Jewish family is mourning the lose of their young son and all the pain you can come up with is 'well he wasn't frum'. What happened to ahavas yisroel ! Who cares whether the boy was frum or not he was a Jew !! Kol Yisroel Araveim Zeh Lazeh - we must feel for all Jews not just the ones that wear the same color shirt as us.
Another example on the same blog - they ran a story about the latest case of children being molested in a 'prominent' Brooklyn yeshiva . The people commenting again have missed the boat. "who gave them a right to go to secular court" etc. (Now without getting into do you believe the rebbi or the child etc). Forget about what court they went to, we have a serious problem in our schools !! molested children, Kids going off the derach , these issues must be dealt with. Stop with your "frumkeit" - "you can't go to court", it's KRUM. There are bigger issues that have to be dealt with. If the fact that they 'might' have done something wrong by going to court is more important to you then why they are in court then you my friend are far far away from true "frumkeit". Yes there are many blogs that discus this issue in the right way and kudos to them but many people seem lost and oblivious to true Derech Hatorah ......

D'varim....Dancing At Weddings

There is something that has been bothering me for a long time, and it came up again last week at a wedding. Has anyone been to weddings that the chosen's friends totally take over the dancing leaving anyone not willing to push and shove out of the picture?? Yes it is a great mitzvah to be mesameach chosen v'kallah but I believe they are causing what might be a great chillul hashem. Let me explain -1. First dance I believe should be for Family and Rabbanim. How many times have you seen someone trying to steer an elderly gentlemen into the middle to dance with his grandson (ex:) and the guy getting knocked around or worse by the multitude of people oblivious to what is going on around them. How many times do close family members not have a chance to dance because they don't want to risk life and limb.I definitely think the friends should dance but in a civilized manner in a circle with everyone else.Let them have the second dance! 2. Many times due to the throngs that push and shove their way closer and closer to the chosen - no one ends up dancing at all except the chosen himself, it is just too crowded. Look around at the next wedding you will notice lots of the dance floor is not even used!! 3. This I believe is a serious problem but you might not find this at every wedding. I noticed this at the wedding last week - many times there are relatives of the chosen or kallah who are not your run of the mill yeshivish/right wing/ ect.(take your pick ), they might feel slightly intimidated by 20-30 yeshiva guys running around pushing and shoving. They usually stay to the side and don't participate at all. Unless the chosen notices them and can make his way over. I find it hard to believe that they come away thinking good things about yeshiva guys. I have yet to see a guy trying to be friendly and trying to include these people in the simcha. I believe as yeshiva guys they should exemplify middos and should always be on best behavior. I think that if someone chooses to sit and learn, 'kol hakavod' but they should act like bnei torah and people should say about them "Ashrei Ovev...v'Rabo shlomdo Torah'

P'shutim....Talking On Cell In Shul

ANYWAY I am beginning to think that people are totally clueless!!!!!
last week I came to shul for mincha a little late and had to daven in the hallway outside the shul. After davening the Rav speaks for about 5 min then they daven maariv. The doors to the shul are always open to the adjacent hallway area. Someone gets a phone call during the rabbi's speech - he proceeds out the door into the hallway area and starts talking as if he was the only person in the world!!! I'm sure most people in shul were able to hear him as someone proceeded to close one of the doors leading into the shul. Where do people get so much chuztpah? Don't they realize they are disturbing the tzibbur. I can't understand what this guy was thinking. Any ideas???

D'varim....Standing In The Way

Well it's been over two months since the last post, and I'm really feeling bad about it. I would have liked to post more often but ....well we must move on. I've decided to broaden the horizons of this blog to include almost anything. Comments and stories regarding "D'varim P'shutim" are still welcome , those posts will be titled accordingly. well since this post is titled "D'varim" here we go...... Last week I davened in a large shul that gets a large crowd even for your weekday mincha maariv minyan. The shul is situated that there are 2 doors into the shul entering from the side. Anyway davening is over and there is this one guy standing in the middle of the doorway leaning on the door post just hanging out! Now during davening ok maybe his seat was near there and he wanted to lean a little, but he was really making it difficult for people to get out. He was just standing there oblivious!!!! Well I squeezed my way past and didn't look back so I don't know for how long he stayed there or if anyone commented. Why is it people just seem clueless??

Pshutim...Davening Too Loud

Well here we go ...
A couple of days ago I davened at a minyan where one of the mispal'em davens very very loud - this person was chazen and chose to recite out loud (and very slow) most of tefilah ! Now yes he might have more kavanah davening that way and maybe his rabbeim growing up always told him that he should daven this way ...... BUT where is the concern for everyone else - how can anyone else concentrate when he's practicle shouting ashrei off key!! how is it that a person can get so caught up in there own spirituality that they are totally oblivious to the people around them!!! I firmly believe that one must first make sure his "spirituality" isn't a bother to others ! {of course in reason - someone who just doesn't like spiritual people will be annoyed whatever you do!} I remember reading that if someone is davening shmonea esrei loud enough that you can hear him you should Not answer amen to his berachos ! Chazal were m'saken that it should only be said loud enough that you can hear it no one else, therefore you aren't davening K'tikun chazal and amen is not recited to your brachos... chazal were obviously worried about the rest of the people in shul - - I think people lose site of the under lining theme about Torah "Dracheha darchai noam" the Torah's ways are pleasent . we must listen to the laws but do them in a way that increases kavod shamayim not chas vshalom l'hepech..........

D'varim .....Intro

" D'varim P'shutim" lit - 'simple things'........... Many times we observe people do and say what to us seems almost inexplicable, things that to us are simple common sense . People seem not to understand that we must be attuned to the effect we have on others by our actions and words. This blog is to examine cases like these (called "D'varim P'shutim") , and see how our esteemed readers respond to these stories. See if there is a concensus amongst the masses what is appropriate and what is not. Stories are welcome as well and may this bring about a greater awareness in our dealings with others....